I am drinking a cup of coffee as often. While this I'm making love with my patioonal almost boyfriend. Or jump of the twig of the tree of my grandmother old house when I was just eight in my bright age. I also can feel my heart beats hard for an straight guy looking me with sweet eyes my eyes are sweet also,I think to love him stupid I think he's my first one. I'm also in the beach making sand castles , opening a kinder egg. Listening heavy metal , crying for being alone. Taking an air plane going to the university on a white bus. Running in avenues. Seeing you at every corner of the time's houses. You are my biggest mystery. And my wonderwall. While this I think I mess up. Studying books Instead of to study life. 

In the movie The hours Clarisse decide to give a party to Richard who won an award.Inviting all the old friends. The only reason for him keeping alive was to keep Clarisse glad, only. So this was the perfect occasion to revenge the life and evade to the beautiful unknown. 

Mrs Delaware (Clarisse) was sure that the party was going to be a big success 

____ Mrs Delaware I love you. Then he jump out of the window saying fuck you to all his ghosts who were going to appear in a party like nothing had succeeded, he won he bloody won this fucked up game. Against all the traumas,  delusions, loses, scams, fake relashionships.

Supposing someone is going to have a heart attack or an ictus/aneurysm. So He died. Without knowing the day or hour , or an perfect occasion to go away, like a party. 

Is kind of tragic ridiculous how life can be when you don't know it's end is going to come. You don't have even time to rewind memories, to greeting your ghosts for the last time or to say fuck you to all of them..

While this an air plane is crashing the world trade center north tower. Princess Diana died in an suspicious accident in a car. Millions of jews are being slaughtered in gas chambers. While Palestinians are loosing their land for zionists. Ghandi are fasting for Indians country liberation. And Martin Luther King spook about racism in a revolutionary speech.The men had reach the moon. Christophen Colombo discovered America. Tweeter became X. The world is going on. 

Is somehow your choice to give importance to all of this. If something matters to you or if nothing matters at all to you.

Richard was lucky to had the chance to choose this. Is easier when your are like Richard.

I got bored one day, then I put everything in a bagel…

everything. All my hopes and dreams, my old report cards, 

every breed of dog

Every old report on Craigslist

Sesame 

poppy seed

salt, and it collapsed in on itself. ‘Cause you see, when you really put everything on a bagel, it becomes this… the truth.”